everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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