I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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