1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
