I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
