Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And then he peed in my hair
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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