I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
