So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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