I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
