There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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