I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
