Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my shit smells like andre
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The air was thick with penises
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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