I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
