just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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