Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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