i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
