I love black thongs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
