I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize