Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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