My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
