She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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