How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
