I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
