she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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