i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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