i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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