What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
