You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
