I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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