If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
