i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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