just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
