I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
