Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
pray to the hookup gods
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
