I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
