Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
