speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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