Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
