Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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