So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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