i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
