Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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