I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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