i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
