ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
