how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My cat gives me a boner
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
