I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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