I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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