Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was confusing and full of hummus
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
