end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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