apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
