girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
