can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
