Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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