I'm really into asian looking animals
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You're earring is so big in my mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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