i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my liver is dry heaving
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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