Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
