um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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