quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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