I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
