marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
