No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
