You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
