He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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