Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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