So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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