Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
