I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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