Sponge bath it is.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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