Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
