i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
