Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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