Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
