I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
