I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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