He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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