both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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