I hate your face
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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