Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
