He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
