Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
