i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
