she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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