it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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