Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
