be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
