What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
