Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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