she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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