Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
