Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
