dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
