What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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