Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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