So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
