He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You ruined the universe
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
