happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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