i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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