i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
