also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am one with the molecules
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
